Visits

I got a call from my aunt early this morning. She wanted to see if I would watch my grandma for a little while so she could go to an appointment. My husband got off at noon which was perfect because I needed to be there at 1.

It's so sad just in Jan my grandma was herself and now she is just fading away. While I was there her physical therapist came and moved her feet, ankles, knees, hips, wrists and neck. She had wanted her to walk but my grandmother did not want to and said that her tail bone was hurting. We sat in her living room majority of the time I was there. She spoke a lot of Spanish to me and I really don't know a lot but could understand most of it. If I didn't know what she was saying I asked her "In English?" My other grandma did the same not too long before she passed away. I thought about her a lot and regreted not visiting her much. I would visit once in awhile help her to the bathroom or change her and when I would sit next to her I felt horrible because I didn't know what to say, so I hated visiting her.... Today I was reminded of that sitting there with my grandma that can barely hear so I was practically yelling. I helped her walk to her room. When she had to use the bathroom I pulled her pants down and helped her sit on the potty that's in her room when she was done pulled them up. I started feeling the same way I did with my other grandma not knowing what to say. I had brought my Bible and asked her if she wanted me to read some to her she said yes that she wanted to hear Psalm 91 so I read that to her. I thought so much of my grandma who just across the street from this grandma 5 years ago was the same way. I NEED to spend as much time with her. I don't want to regret anything. Her eyes started to water and stuff started coming out of them. My grandma said that they hurt so I wiped them and found some eye drops that she wanted and put some in. She said that stung her eyes also. I wiped them again and she said that it felt better. When I was cleaning her checks from the saline drops she said something in Spanish to me. I didn't know what it was and said "in English grandma "and she said "getting old is ugly" Just thinking about it makes me tear all over again. I said "No don't say that" and held her hand, gave her cheek a kiss and told her I loved her. I had to fight so hard not to ball my eyes out. I thought of my other grandma too because she said something similar to me and the same way in Spanish I said " English grandma" and my grandma C said "getting old makes you a baby. I'm sorry." with her I said " Oh its OK you wiped my butt when I was a baby its your turn." she didn't laugh though....... My grandma S now doesn't laugh either.....

We talked about my daughters, my brother.. she asked where my son was and we talked about the new baby I was having. She wanted to know when it was due. I tried hard not to feel uncomfortable asking so many times " Huh grandma? What was that? Can you say that again? " or having to say " Grandma I don't know Spanish that well. English grandma" It was a repeat of 5 years ago this time I didn't let it get to me as much and is not going to keep me from visiting like it did with my other grandma.

I gave her lunch and the only thing she wanted was a little Activia yogurt and said no more water because she didn't want to pee so much. She is so thin. My Tia Josie said that she weighs 70 something pounds now.

I asked if she needed anything from the store because I was going to get a few things when I left from there. She told me she wanted some more of that yogurt and some soup. Tia Josie came back around that time and I got ready to leave. She asked if I could come back tomorrow and Friday to watch her and I said "of course!" So, tomorrow I'll be back over there with her. I'll think of stuff tonight to talk to her about and bring my Bible again. I'm sure she would like for me to read again since I don't think she can really read her Bible much anymore.

After I left, went to the store and dropped off her soup and yogurt I went to my Tia Teresa's house to visit with her, my cousin Sam and her little boy Eddie. I thought how similar my grandma is to Eddie. She cant get around without someones help anymore just like him. Someone has to make him his food (bottle) just like her. I changed him when he peed my grandma isn't there but needs help with that also. It was a good visit and my son Eddie had a blast with his cousins Gabriel and Bob. He even got to hold baby Eddie. They have the same name its not a mistake I called him Eddie too lol. I told my cousin Sam of my visit with my grandma and she remembers how our grandma C was and she said she even didn't like visiting because she didn't know what to say. Talking to her about that and telling her how my grandma S is now and how it is like our grandma C was made her tear up also.

I know when we are young we take advantage that we have grandparents and often don't treat them with the love and respect that they so much deserve. I know I was one of those kids. My grandma would want me to pray with her and I would act like i was sleeping or try to hide from her. When she needed me to do something for her I would take my time and when she would get mad and say something I would roll my eyes and get an attitude with her. She would tell me something and I would say something under my breath or talk back. I should have had more respect for her. She took me into her home to live with her so many times and that's what I did to show her thanks. How ungrateful and selfish I was. I remember one time that I'm ashamed of I was on the phone and my cousin Amanda was near me we were talking to the boy across the street Jose. My grandma told us plenty of times to get off the phone we went in the bathroom to talk and get away from the kitchen. My grandma came in there and tried to take the phone from me I put it over my head so she couldn't reach and said " here Amanda, catch" and threw it to my cousin and she ran with it. Well grandma got the phone back and when my aunt came home she heard it all and boy were we in trouble. If you ask me we both deserved to get beat for pulling a stunt like that. I can't change how rude, ungrateful, and disrespectful I had been at 15 but I can be there for that wonderful woman now.